The Words Not Spoken
by Nattou
Summary: The pretty girl sitting one row over from the window wasn't just a girl. She was Aria. She was his Aria, and she wasn't his to have anymore. My take on how Ezra might have been feeling throughout some of the scenes of season four. Written prior to the summer finale.


The Words Not Spoken

**Summary: **The pretty girl sitting one row over from the window wasn't just a girl. She was Aria. She was _his _Aria, and she wasn't his to have anymore. My take on how Ezra might have been feeling throughout some of the scenes of season four.

**AN: **This is one of those stories that just 'came out' so to speak. I was listening to music and it put me in this writing mood and I just started typing without a plan or a storyline in my head. Music does that to me sometimes.

Hope you enjoy.

**P.S: **I started this story before the summer finale aired, so certain events have NOT been taken into consideration. I still refuse to think that things are as bad as they seem, so for now I'll stay in the land of denial.

*PLL*

It was like the very first day all over again, he thought as he stepped into the familiar classroom. Not a single thing had changed since the day he first walked in over a year ago. The desks were neatly lined up; the blackboard wiped clean; a clean slate, literally, but walking into the room felt nothing like a fresh start to him. Nothing had changed, yet everything was different.

He could feel her presence.

Knew that the moment he opened his mouth those familiar eyes would bore into his and speak the words she didn't know how to say. Words that would hit him like a sledgehammer. There wouldn't be any playful exchanges this time around, only longing for what used to be.

Turning around he greeted the class in the most cheerful way he could muster, but he couldn't help but wonder if it sounded as fake to their ears as it did to his own.

From the corner of his eye he saw her three best friends shoot her worried glances. They all knew; knew that this was hell for them both.

And then his eyes met hers.

Stunned disbelief was written on her face as she blinked up at him, her breathing slow and steady as she fought to keep her emotions to herself. She knew he'd be there and yet it was as if she couldn't quite believe it.

Neither could he if he was completely honest with himself. He had left Rosewood High so he could be with her, and now he was back where the complications had first started, the difference this time around was that it was one complication too many.

He was the one to break the connection and turn around.

If he was going to keep it together he had to keep his distance; not only for his sake, but for hers. Despite her brave face, he knew that this was killing her.

Killing her like it was killing him.

The pretty girl sitting one row over from the window wasn't just a girl. She was Aria. She was _his _Aria, and she wasn't his to have anymore. When she looked at him with those big hazel eyes, he knew that this time, he couldn't be the one to make the sadness disappear by teasing a smile out of her. He couldn't whisper something sweet as they passed in the hallways or write an elaborate comment on her papers. He couldn't do anything because she didn't want him to.

Their once perfect little bubble had burst.

Dodging obstacles and jumping hurdles had taken its toll on the relationship, and as much as it pained him, he understood that she was tired. He understood that she had reached her limits. He understood that she wasn't ready to play stepmother to a seven year old. He understood better than she probably thought he did. He hadn't been much older when Maggie told him she was pregnant. Panic had washed over him as the words registered. He hadn't been ready. He remembered thinking that he wasn't ready to completely rewrite a future he hadn't even lived yet. A baby hadn't fit into his plans, much like a seven year old boy didn't fit into hers.

And he couldn't blame her for feeling like that.

There was a part of him that wanted everything to go back to how they used to be as well. It was a part he was almost ashamed to acknowledge, but it was there. Everything he knew had changed and gotten ten times more complicated over night, and he found himself longing for those moments where it was just them; him and her, hidden away in apartment 3B, closed off from the world, free to be themselves far away from prying eyes and nosey students.

_She had picked the movie that night, he couldn't remember the title anymore, but it didn't matter. The lights had been dimmed, the curtains drawn and the blinds closed. A few candles were scattered around the small room, something she had brought with her on a different occasion and never taken home with her again. He didn't mind. There were pieces of her everywhere he looked; a forgotten lip-gloss on the dresser, a lost sock under the bed, a pink toothbrush kept his green one company, a decorative bowl on his nightstand held various pieces of jewelry and the post it notes on the fridge didn't just remind him of his own appointments anymore, her school assignments had snuck on there too, a daily reminder of just how much time she spent there. He wasn't sure when the spare key had made its way from under his doormat and onto her keychain, but it had been a long time since he had been surprised by her presence in his apartment when he got home and he wouldn't have it any other way. _

_A soft giggle sounded near his ear and he pulled her closer as a small smile tugged on his lips. It was just them tonight. For once they weren't sneaking around, they weren't hiding and they didn't have to worry about someone catching them or her parents figuring out where she really was. He wouldn't go as far as saying they had gotten her parents blessing, but at least they let her come stay with him without threatening to call the police now. It was progress. _

_As the movie played on her body slipped further down the couch until she was lying with her head nestled on his lap, her soft curls tickling the bare skin visible where his sweater had ridden up. _

"_Are you falling asleep on me," he whispered, fingers gently dancing through her hair. _

_Her head turned slowly until she was looking up at him, big eyes shimmering with tiredness and her lips curled into a lazy smile._

"_Almost," she said before turning her attention back to the TV screen. _

_He continued running his fingers through the silken locks until her eyelids fluttered close and her breathing evened out. Smiling he let his index finger stroke alongside the side of her face. Her lips twitched and he paused his moving hand; he didn't want to wake her. Seconds later her features relaxed again and he let out the breath he didn't know he had been holding. He had lost count of the amount of times she had fallen asleep on him like that, but somehow there was still something he loved about it. He couldn't quite explain it, but the fact that she felt safe enough to be so vulnerable just warmed his heart. As messed up as their relationship might seem to everyone else, he couldn't help but ask himself almost daily how he had gotten so lucky. What had he done to deserve having her in his life? Her mere presence improved any day, and her absence had the opposite effect. The periods of time they had spent apart had felt like an eternity and he hoped they'd never have to go through that again. _

His eyes scanned over the students as they read the assigned book. As they came to rest on her he couldn't help but wonder if they would ever get to be that carefree again. Would she ever again lay her head on his lap as tiredness washed over her?

Would he ever find her doing her homework in his apartment as he got back from work?

Would she ever be back where he felt like she belonged?

She shifted in her seat and for the briefest of moments she glanced up at him.

The same, yet so very different.

*PLL*

Anger surged through him as he walked quickly down the hallway. He had known it would be hard coming back. Most people had come to learn about his and Aria's relationship during the time he was unemployed and they both knew there were bound to be some rumors. He hadn't been prepared for this though. Hadn't thought they'd be so vicious. One thing was when the rumors were about him, he could handle that. These rumors were about Aria, though, and he really wasn't sure how much more he could hear of that before he said or did something he really shouldn't.

"_How many points for the word slut?"_

The words echoed in his head. It had taken every ounce of strength in him to remain calm as he looked at her. She was hurt, that much was obvious, but she was also seething mad. If that anger was directed at the situation itself or directly at him he wasn't sure, not that it really mattered, he still couldn't swoop in and fix it all like he wanted to.

Rounding a corner he saw the familiar door to his classroom and stepped inside. The quiet surrounded him as he looked at the desks that would be filled with students in just a few short minutes.

With a deep breath he turned around and picked up the abandoned piece of chalk and the sheet of paper he had prepared with notes for the class.

He needed to calm down.

His hand shook as he wrote the first sentence, the letters even more crooked than usual.

Aria used to tease him about his handwriting.

The chalk snapped as his fist curled tightly around it; sending white powder drizzling slowly towards the floor. Groaning he hit the blackboard before leaning his forehead against it. How was he ever supposed to get over her when everything reminded him of her? How could he not show that he cared when she was right there in front of him? So close, yet out of reach.

Off limits.

*PLL*

"_Look, you cannot be the guy who helps me feel better anymore, don't you get that? Just stay away from me, please!" _

_Stay away from me. _

His mind played it on repeat.

A year ago she would have been in his arms seeking comfort.

_Stay away from me._

She didn't mean it. He knew she didn't, and even if she just said it to protect herself, it hurt to have that phrase aimed towards him.

Ella hadn't been joking that night, many months ago, when she had told him you could die of frostbite when Aria was hurt and wanted to shut you out. He had experienced it before, but not to this degree. Truth be told, she had usually been the first one to cave in when they'd had fights or were broken up. He had done most of the avoidance back then. Now the tables were turned and he found himself thinking he'd do anything to turn them back.

The image of those eyes brimmed with tears wouldn't leave him. Had she blinked a few more times he knew the drops would have fallen. Shimmering drops of salty tears would have trailed down those smooth cheeks until they fell to the floor.

It wasn't his place to wipe them away anymore.

Letting out a frustrated sigh he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands as he leaned his elbows on the desk in front of him. He wasn't sure what hurt more; missing her, or the fact that he knew she was upset and there was nothing he could do about it. No amount of words would change their situation. He still had a son and she was still his student.

*PLL*

The white envelope lay unopened on the coffee table in front of him.

_Ezra_

It was nothing more than his name, but somehow it held so much more meaning when it was written by her hand.

"_I was just leaving a thank you note" _

Seeing her there had shaken him to the core. It was a snapshot of what had been. A scene that had once been so normal now left him with a longing he wasn't quite sure how to deal with.

"_You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, right?"_

The words had slipped out. He hadn't meant to say them out loud, to her face, and he still wasn't sure if doing it had been a good thing or not. Her whole demeanor had changed once the words registered. Her eyes had locked on his, two pools of swirling emotions, shimmering with the tears she wouldn't cry, and for a second she looked as if she was going to kiss him.

God, how he had wanted her to kiss him.

And then the moment had been over. An excuse had been spoken and she had rushed out before he could convince her to stay. The echo of her heels still rang in his ears and he wished he had grabbed a hold of her arm like he had done so many times before. Never to force her to stay, just to make her think twice about leaving, maybe if he had she'd be sat next to him on the couch.

Or maybe she would have left.

Getting her little brother out of trouble wasn't enough to fix what was broken, he knew that, but the white envelope showed that the ice was slowly melting. The words she had spoken were warm and grateful.

"_I'm really glad you swooped."_

Breathing in deeply he reached for the note, fingers shaking slightly as they closed around thin piece of paper. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. It was just a thank you note. A simple way of letting him know she was grateful that he had stepped in a helped her brother out of a sticky situation. That's all it was.

But it wasn't.

Nothing said between them was ever simple.

Words had always been powerful and meaningful to them. They shared a love for what could be written down on a piece of paper. It didn't have to be long to be meaningful if the words had been picked out with care.

The card slid out easily and he slowly flipped it over.

_Ezra,  
I wanted to thank you, but then I didn't quite know how to go about it.  
Nothing is the way it used to be, and after everything that happened writing an email just seemed too impersonal. Too formal. Neither of which we've ever been very good at.  
So here I'm sat writing a note instead.  
You didn't have to do what you did today, but I'm so grateful that you did.  
You might not be the one who is supposed to make me feel better anymore, but we never did do anything by the book, so thank you. _

_Aria_

The paper was smudged a bit where she had signed her name and he leaned in closer to try and make out what she had erased.

_Xo _

*PLL*

**AN: **So there you have it. My first _Pretty Little Liars _story. I hope you enjoyed and I'd love to hear what you thought through a review.

Caroline


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